Red Carpet Mom: Who Are You Wearing?

Written by Emily

Being scrutinized on the red carpet or even worse by The Fashion Police is probably one of my worst nightmares (after jumping directly into a shark’s mouth and picking my son up from school in the nude). But it is the awards season, so it seems only natural to play out that nightmarish scenario with the fabulous women who created this hop: Moms vs. Award Season Who Are You Wearing?

who-are-you-wearing-2

First things first, Ryan Seacrest, I doubt you mean this:

NoahonBack

Calling attention to his grammatical gaff–who vs. whom– will no doubt earn me a fashion lashing from Joan Rivers, but if I can turn the nightmare into a dream it might sound more like this…

IMG_9181

“Let’s start with the green markings on her hand.”

“They’re reminiscent of Kandinsky’s work, in my opinion, and they truly set the tone for the entire ensemble.”

“I couldn’t agree more, Kelly.”

“What about those pipe cleaner stacked rings?”

“They seem a bit gauche at first, but paired with the masking tape bangle they scream, ‘functional glam!’”

“Speaking of functional, if I’m not mistaken, there is a bit of tissue tucked beneath the sleeve of her cardigan, which is fab-to-the-max in its nod to cold and flu season–very now.”

“It’s so important to be seasonally appropriate, George.”

“In a striking departure from her unusually large, jam-packed diaper luggage, she’s opting for a more minimalist approach here: single diaper and pack of wipes.”

“It’s modern; it’s brave.”

“It’s a look that can work with any outfit. And I’m really seeing this as a trendsetting piece: the no bag.”

“So true, Joan. We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention the paints in her back pocket and the exquisite sticker frame.”

“It begs the question: is fashion art?”

“Is art fashion?”

“Yeeeeessss, Giulianna.”

IMG_9171

“I’m dying to talk about the outfit!”

“Can we talk about how nothing matches?”

“Matchy matchy is so out, and we can see why right here. This is about exposing the complexities of your inner self.”

“Totally.”

“The scarf, a little animal print for the obviously fierce vixen waiting to pounce.”

“Obvi.”

“The cardigan is so mom, but the horizontal stripes provide visual interest.”

“The gap t-shirt is almost vintage, and we all know how vintage is all the rage right now.”

“All. the. rage.”

“I think the wear marks on her jeans are real.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Wow. That takes dedication.”

“Who does that these days?”

“I know. She’s environmentally aware in the best way.”

“Do you think the scuffs on her boots are real then, too?!”

“I do, Giuliana. I do.”

“She’s amazing.”

“What about hair and make-up?”

“The hair is a little Justin Bieber, and I’m just not sure that’s smart.”

“I don’t know. Like the scarf, I feel like it might be saying, ‘there’s a little bit of crazy buried in here. Look out.’”

“Oh, I like that.”

“The only make-up is a swipe of mascara. Minimal but striking in its complete disregard for the way she’s seen in public.”

“She doesn’t care what anyone thinks. At all.”

“True. She’s wearing her exhaustion for everyone to see. It’s a bit in your face, but she knows what she’s doing.”

“She so does.”

“We’ve seen her do this before. If you remember her Polar Vortex look.”

1511919_635897216468169_398156865_n

“Let’s talk about that.”

“She wanted to inspire labor flashbacks with her birth canal hood.”

“My OB confirmed this is what he saw as my grandchildren were being born.”

“Brilliant.”

“I doubt we’ll see anything like this for the rest of the season.”

“I hope you’re wrong, Joan.”

“We need to see more of this…much more.”

Well, a girl can dream.

***

For more awe-inspiring mom wardrobes, check out these fashion vixens:

My Skewed View

MamaSchmama

Stephanie Sprenger

I Am the Milk

Finding Ninee

Sadder But Wiser Girl

Nothing by the Book

Left Brain Buddha

The Tao of Poop

Urban Moo Cow



Categories: Culture, Emily

Tags: , , , , , ,

28 replies

  1. OMG you are fab!!!!!!! Birth canal hood? What? Love.

  2. Terrific. I love it. A girl can dream. Thank you for playing with us! xoxo Jane

  3. So the character portrayal was so convincing it actually made me hear their voices in my head. Love how the conversation got momentarily elevated to a debate on “is Fashion Art?” (yes, I capitalized ‘fashion’ and ‘art’) but the task proved too daunting for the hosts. Although, I’m pleasantly surprised they’ve heard of Kandinsky. This was awesome.

  4. Thank God you noted the grammar issue. I thought it but didn’t want to torpedo my friends’ momentum. lol. Love your hair, lady. Thanks so much for linking up!!

    • Yikes! I hope I didn’t torpedo anything! I was just commenting on the media’s use of that question. I know all these fabulous women know the difference between who and whom. Thanks for the hair compliment. I’ve been a bit conflicted about it with all of the Bieber and Miley Cyrus craziness!

  5. You are so brave. I could never pull that look off!
    🙂 Great post! Love the tone! Now I have to go check out the others are report back!

  6. See, these are the types of interviews that Ryan and Guiliana (sp?) should be doing! Yay, moms. YOU look awesome. Your personal style is better than any red carpet outfit. Truly. Loved your take on this. Very creative. Thanks for joining in the revolution!

    • I’m ready to be part of a revolution 🙂 Thanks for reading! I can’t say enough how much I loved doing this. I’ve had such a great time reading everyone’s posts, too. They make me so happy! Thanks for starting this! I hope more and more people join in!

  7. “I think the wear marks on her jeans are real.”
    “No!”
    Pure genius, Emily.

  8. Jean totally stole my comment about the birth canal hood because haahah! Also glad to know somebody else dreams of jumping into a shark’s mouth. I agree with Joan and want to see more! Awesome post, seriously!

    • Did you happen to see the picture of a shark (actually a dolphin) in a wave as the kids were playing in the water? My chest tightens at the thought. Thank you so much for reading 🙂 And if you’d like to borrow that lovely coat with the fur-lined hood, let me know!

  9. ROFL! You are great! I intend to totally throw the phrase “functional glam” into my next conversation! I often wear the masking tape bangle, because as a librarian you just never know when you’re going to need masking tape! Thank you for sharing this-this was fantastic!

  10. Love the diapers. Such an important accessory!

  11. The birth canal hood is a truly inspired image. If you can look good in that you can wear anything.

  12. This is all kinds of awesome. You get fashion, for sure!

  13. This is awesome!! So funny…I really loved the diaper pack and one diaper, “It’s modern; It’s brave” lol!

Leave a Reply to Sarah Day Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: