Written by Emily
When it’s possible, I hide in the bathroom. Under the guise of a shower (hot water running), I huddle in the corner of the bathroom with my phone and catch up on current events for the last decade. When I can’t feel my backside, it’s time to really shower and continue my escape.
I don’t know about you, but I have a stellar singing voice in the shower. I would describe it as Adele meets Axl Rose. Take a moment to hear that. Yes. Pitch perfect always. And my range knows no bounds.
Because I have three children, I don’t get to exercise these pipes like I used to. I get a good three lines in before I’m summoned from my steamy concert.
Today, Sylvie had to join me in the bathroom.
And because she is terrified of the shower, I had to entertain her while she stood at the edge of the tub and screamed. I’m not big on limelight, so I prefer performing in solitude. But I was desperate for a shower, folks, or else I would have waited until next week when I could shower alone.
As a former English teacher, I know all about audience and purpose, so I knew my go-to shower songs weren’t going to cut for it for my riled-up red-head. I launched into a song (and dance) about what I was doing…the body parts I was washing, how carefully I was shaving my legs (It’s time. Spring is coming).
Honestly, it was probably my best performance to date. I’d share the lyrics, but I don’t want to spoil its summer 2013 release. Oh, heck, since you asked, remember “This is how we do it” by Montell Jordan?
This is how we shave them
It’s Thursday night, and I feel all right
The party is here in the bathroom
So I reach for my razor and I turn it up
Sylvie wants to grab it but it’s just too sharp
Hit the shin ’cause it needs it…
Truth be told, it’s a work in progress.
We finished with Sylvie brushing my teeth… my face, really.
“This is how we do it…”